I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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