my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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