im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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