Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
