i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
