we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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