Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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