you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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