Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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