when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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