Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
