Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
