He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
