Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
