im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
