I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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