I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
