watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
