Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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