the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
