just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
