Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
