That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
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I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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