whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
