I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is classic penis vs brain.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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