Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
