I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
