Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
