Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
