My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
