Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize