So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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