you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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