We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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