porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
