i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The air taste purple.
Randomize
