This girl is more easily done than said...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
