I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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