I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
