I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
