One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
