I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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