he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
