yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
