I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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