we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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