i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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