If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
