Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
