hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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