This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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