It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
