Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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