I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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