at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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