in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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