just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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