Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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