Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
