My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
