Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
