thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How does one acquire holy water?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
