Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.