Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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