hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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