it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
