Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
