Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's shark week go big or go home
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
