I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
