I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
PANTIES FOUND
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
