whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
